Wanted: The Perfect Shoe

I convey this to you with a sigh.

I hate shoes. Very much so. And I hate shopping for shoes even more, because they never ever fit my feet. My arch is too high. My toes get crammed. No support. Too much support, to stiff soles, too soft soles… The list goes on and on and on and on, ad nauseum.

In my perfect world, I’d go barefoot all the time. Except that I hate getting my feet dirty; I have a beige sofa, and I’d like for it to stay that way. My feet are always in it, of course. And on the table. And on the dashboard when we go for a drive (unless I’m the doing the driving). And everywhere else.

So I obviously need shoes. Not any kind of shoes. Perfect shoes.

I need shoes that will let my feet behave naturally. My Vibram Fivefingers does that. It made a world of difference when I switched. My feet muscles have developed, my toes have gotten straightened out again, and now they naturally spread when I put my feet down. Just like they are supposed to. And the pelvic pain I’d been experiencing for many years slowly disappeared, too, after switching to Vibrams. Turns out that the cushioning in ordinary shoes made my hypermobile joints work overtime to compensate for the bouncing. I don’t ever want to go back.

But, lovely as the Vibrams are, they’re made of non-conductive materials. Why is this important, you ask. It’s because I want to get electrocuted, I answer. No, really. I want the natural electricity from the earth to go up into my feet and into my body. Grounding, they call it. Earthing. And it’s not just something you do in meditation anymore. It’s actual, electric grounding, plugging in to that electromagnetic field around the planet. Connecting with nature just got a whole new dimension to it, didn’t it?

It’s a whole science, really. They say that the earth gives off negative ions, and that this is a sorely missed benefit from the days were we’d walk barefoot, use our hands to work with the earth or otherwise be connected. Now, we’re walking around with insulating shoes, sleeping several meters above the ground in insulating beds… and we’ve become disconnected.

I want to reconnect.

But I live in Norway. We have snow and ice for months, followed by rain for even more months, and getting to walk barefoot… that doesn’t happen all that often.

So obviously, I need shoes. Conductive shoes.

They have actually been made. Pluggz are such shoes. And the legendary David Wolfe has also made some, called Grounders.

And those are great, I suppose, if you live where the sun actually shines once in a while, which I don’t, and if you don’t mind walking on a thick rubber pad, which I do. Also, flip-flops would be terrible for my walks in the forest.

There are barefoot shoes made out of leather, of course. I have a pair of those, too, from Footskins, and I love love love those (I’ve ripped out the insoles), but firstly, they don’t last very long for wear outdoors unless you get that insulating rubber sole, and secondly, they get soaking wet during rain. The good thing about that is that leather becomes conductive when wet, but then, I could just walk barefoot through the rain anyway.

I could alter my Vibrams, I suppose. I’ve actually seen YouTuber’s hammering conductive metal through their shoes in order to get them grounded, and I’m actually considering that.

Unless… someone starts making Vibramish shoes with a coil of metal integrated in the sole. And also make rain boots with those soles. And winter boots.

That would be great.

(Unless you step on a broken wire or something, that is.)

{Photo: My feet wearing Vibrams}



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