My Two Personas

I’m not one person. I’m beginning to come to terms with actually being two.

On one hand, I’m an accomplished Victorian Lady, concerned with languages and linguistics, systems, organizing and constantly learning new skills. She’s the one who likes to dress properly, wears high-heeled boots with a Victorian, vintage look, and she loves science. She can spend hours and hours in front of the screen, researching and always asking why, never settling for a bad explanation.

She’s the one who has acquired over 400 study points at university college, holding two bachelor degrees and is about to start her master’s degree in culture, perfectly fit for her Victorian disposition. She is smart, strong and knowledgeable, with a sharp brain.

And on the other hand.. I’m also a wild bohemian gypsy witch. She’s a free spirit, filled with wanderlust, fueled by passion and intuition,  and she loves to run barefoot through the woods, without giving a second thought to time and obligations. She knows that science is not always the answer; she dives deep into her dreams and finds her answers there or in her tarot cards. She meditates, she has two altars in her house and she’s guided by her own inner core in whatever she does. She sometimes doesn’t care about what she wears, or she will wear long, flowing skirts. She loves nature and the natural lifestyle. She is spiritual. She is a Goddess. She is strong. She is earthy, sensual, wild. Emotional, passionate. Alive.

Sometimes they get along well. My Inner Gypsy really likes My Inner Victorian’s plans to get a master’s in culture, for instance. They come at it from different angles, of course, but it’s perfectly doable to become an accomplished artisan. Or even just to understand the artists, if one never becomes one herself. My two personas meet and add to each other.

But sometimes… they are really at each other. Like when I decided to leave the congregation and come out of the broom closet, torn between two separate ideas. Or when my Inner Gypsy goes on a shopping spree and comes back with a bag full of crystals, and there is no scientific research (at least on PubMed) to convince the Victorian of their use and worth. She hates that. Just as much as the Gypsy hates having to relate to stupid, infantile science, which can’t even prove that magic exists – yet. Can you see how she sticks out her tongue? Yeah. And then, the Victorian will have something really cruel to say about irresponsibility, dream castles and rock hard reality.

Also, you can begin to imagine how the Gypsy reacted when the news came in the other week about how no natural remedies can be marketed as such in Europe anymore, unless it’s been scientifically proven several times that the herbs/plants/fruits/vegetables actually does work? Yup, that does mean that prunes can not be sold to regulate digestion, even though they’ve been used by doctors for hundreds of years.

My inner Gypsy rolls her eyes, hisses and snarls over that one. But my Inner Victorian thinks this is a splendid idea, as it would ensure that people actually get what they’re paying for.

These two inner ladies of mine both possess deep knowledge and wisdom. They are both right. And they are both wrong, at the same time.

They represent two different systems, two different sets of ideas, that need to work together to make a whole. They are the Sun and the Moon. They are masculine and feminine, rational and irrational. Left and right brain, if you will.

The trick is to make them work together, make them both happy at the same time. It’s not always easy, but I’m starting to get the hang of it. The question to ask, seems to be «what’s in it for the Gypsy/Victorian?» whenever I start a new project.

I recently decided to take up crystal healing again, after the Victorian won the first battle 10 years ago. My inner Gypsy is absolutely thrilled about it, my inner Victorian… not so much. Until I decided to add some nuggets of science, just for her, by reading Hibiscus Moon’s blog and getting books about it with a strong scientific streak. She’s still a bit sceptical, but she’s getting along, while my inner Gypsy sings «Free Your Mind» at the top of her lungs in the background.

Yeah. It’s not an easy task, as they are both kinda immature as of yet. But it’s much easier now than it was 15 years ago, so we’re getting closer.

I believe in the term «as above, so below». I believe that the same patterns repeat themselves in micro and macro levels, and I have this nagging feeling that my two personas scenario is the same as we see in society today, with the alternative side and the scientific side battling.

And we know, obviously, that science is still young – there is so much we still need to research, so much to explore, so many questions we need to ask. And the same goes for the alternative, spiritual side, of course. There’s still so much inner work to do, so many questions needing to be asked.

But I don’t think this is  a battle to be won by either sides. I think the answer is a merging, or at least mutual respect and learning to co-exist.

I’m practising that in my own psyche now.

How about you?


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0 thoughts on “My Two Personas

  1. This is a fantastic post Nienna. While my other persona is not a Victorian she has definitely battled against the witchy me. Those battles can definitely be interesting! Only thing I know is that the other side of me…the logical one…will not win to the point of me lying aside my beliefs again. I love and agree with how you put it…science hasn’t proven it…yet! 🙂

  2. Thank you! 🙂 Haha, yes, they can be quite fun to watch if you know what’s really going on and are able to step back and just watch from a distance. I’m glad you reached that conclusion, just imagine how boring life would be if everything had to be proven to be felt!

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