I sometimes wonder what if would be like to sit on a crashing plane. Would it be best to know the crash was coming, so that you could prepare (if at all able to), or would it be best to think that you were still high above the ground, just experiencing some minor problems, and that the pilot would soon sort everything out?
I don’t know.
But I do know my ground is coming, and it’s coming soon.
To make an (extremely) long story short… I will lose all income in 4 months. My government sponsored rehabilitation welfare program from burning out and getting ill some years ago is over now. And I just got a letter yesterday saying that the Student Loan Fund has given me everything they are willing to give me, and I have maxed out. They will support my first semester of my Master’s degree, but no more. That leaves a year and a half to be financed, somehow.
While all this was going on, I also got a big, unexpected bill, leaving my credit account depleted, and my MasterCard is going the same way, fast. It is really big, big shit. It cannot get much worse, actually.
It IS my ground zero.
I really appreciate the irony of December 2012 being the end of the world as I know it, though. You gotta hand it to the guys up there, they do have a good sense of humour.
But this means that everything will shift. By the end of this year, I don’t know what I will be doing. I know exactly what I want to happen, but I also know that even that may change as I walk calmly into the transition.
Yesterday, when the crappiness of the situation really dawned on me, my inner She-Dragon ignited with all her powers. She always does that; any major challenge is regarded by her as Super Heroine Time. She laughs wildly in the face of danger, gets a cunning look in her eyes and a devious smile on her lips as she dares the Universe to just come play.
Today, my inner Thought Fairy is kinda taking over the show. Warmed by the sacred She-Dragon fire of creativity, she’s analyzing and planning and deciding what to do.
I don’t think I can get a suitable job in this little town. And I can’t move, either, as He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned has his job right here, and will have a hard time replacing that income anywhere else.
I have but one option.
This is the point in the story where the Phoenix rises from the ashes. This is where she finally comes into her true powers, where she reaches self-sufficiency and soars above, higher than ever before.
This is the point where I need to get my business up and blooming.
This is it.
*draws deep breath*
There is no other way for me. There is nothing else to do, but this one thing.
I am scared. But I’m also thrilled and exited.
The wild She-dragon fire has been burning for a while now, I think she saw this coming long before the Thought Fairy did. Must be by pure instinct! She was the one who urged me to finish the Wild Woman Meditation Kit already and get it out there, and she is now bringing me inspiration for at least two new projects which eventually will turn into digital wonderfulness for me blog readers.
So much is happening right now, and I can’t even keep up.
But I will learn to fly before I hit the ground.
I kinda have to.