What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet. ~ Juliet / Shakespeare
Once upon a time where was a blogger.
She blogged freely and wildly, and shared her deepest fears, her wildest rage and her most tender emotions with her readers. She used to think that writing was like breathing to her, that she simply couldn’t do without. That there could be no thinking if she didn’t write. That she would be stuck.
So she wrote.
her little heart out.
Until somebody told her to be smart. To stop playing around. To be authentic, be for realz.
She liked that idea.
So she stopped using her pen name, thinking that she wouldn’t hide behind it anymore.
But then she had a baby.
A real life, wonderful, beautiful baby.
To begin with, that wasn’t a blogging problem. After all, the baby was a baby and babies are… well, babies. They do cute things, all babies do.
But the baby grew up.
The baby became a little girl, with her own personality, her own opinions and her own feelings.
Sometimes those feelings were nice. There was pride, there was joy and there was a love as open as only little girls can give to the world.
But sometimes, those feelings were darker. Shame. Guilt.
And the blogging mom started having second thoughts about blogging as openly about her life anymore.
She knew that the world would not always be so nice.
She knew that someone, in the near or distant future, would be able to google her name, and that someone, somewhere, might be able to use that information against her daughter.
Not in a big way, no. She was always thoughtful of what she put out there, now that her baby wasn’t a baby anymore.
But in smaller ways. Ways that hardly mattered to her – but that would be devastating for a self-conscious little girl all the same.
So she started closing up.
Blogging became harder by the minute. There was so much she wanted to share, but felt that she could not.
And when her family life fell to pieces, she couldn’t blog much about that either, even though she ached to, because of the real life people involved.
But she still needed to write, especially then.
So she pondered. Yearned for the times where she could be free to blog, to share and to breathe by writing again. To think clearly through her own written words.
For the longest time she stayed silent, thinking that she might have lost her blogging voice forever. That maybe that was just the way it had to be, she had changed so much, and her life was completely different now. Maybe she had just evolved?
Until it dawned on her.
The only difference between then and now.
It was her name, it had to be!
So she moved her blog to a new domain, to one which didn’t include her name. It helped a bit.
She removed her image from her social media sites and her banner. It helped a bit more.
But still… something was missing, something important to get her blogging groove back. She couldn’t pinpoint it, couldn’t find out what it was. It was just a weird feeling, albeit one she respected.
And one day… the answer was presented to her by another member of the Academy she was a part of. Someone in there started talking about using a pen name, to separate two parts of one’s life.
Then the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. She had to get herself a pen name again, to allow that part of her to live freely and to soar over the everyday responsibilities and the need to protect her loved ones. There was a bypass to every problem she had encountered those last years.
And she grabbed it, feeling her freedom explode from within, ready, yet again, to start writing her little heart out.
Yup, my dear reader.
I’ve made myself a brand new pen name. It came to me so easily that it’s almost funny, because I normally have such a hard time even figuring out a handle for Twitter. To be honest, I used an Elvish name generator to get my first name, but it’s so close to what my little sister used to call me when I was little that it instantly made sense. And the last name is what I’ve always considered to be my totem animal.
Together, they kind of represent both my soft and my fierce sides. It just feels right, so I’m going with it.
From now on, I’m Nienna Lynx.
Nice to meet you! 🙂