~ English Blog Posts ~

What To Do When Your Life’s Not Big Enough

12. september 2012

It’s been a bit quiet from my part in the last few weeks. I went back to school in August to get a master’s degree in cultural studies, and that proved to be a MASSIVE stress factor, much more so than I’d anticipated. And as you already know, I’m preparing for my personal Ground Zero these days, and if you sprinkle all this loveliness with some emotional stuff coming up… it has just been a LOT to think about and sort out.

I’ve been going around in circles with this, not getting anywhere. And it’s time to get my analytic part of the brain kickstarted.

Normally, when things just get too much, I opt for the «lose it» option. If it doesn’t fit, get rid of it. If it’s holding you back from living your wonderfully wild life, then throw it out the door. No questions asked, no regrets. The only way to carve an elephant, is to get rid of anything that is not, in fact, an elephant. Right?

Only that didn’t work so well for me this time. Why? Because I have gotten to the point where everything I do, mostly, is authentic and part of my golden recipe for the life I want to live. I navigate by my inner compass, and that normally takes me to lovely places.

Except when it thinks it’s a prop for Pirates of the Caribbean, and absolutely refuses to point in only one direction.

Like it did this time. And like it still does, actually. I’m nowhere near out of the woods yet.

But yesterday, it started to dawn on me. I told you how I have two very different ladies living inside of me, right? The schizo part where there’s the accomplished Victorian lady and the wild woman gypsy queen at the same time trying to get their way?

Well, you can double that, actually. Inside of me, and in fact, inside of every female alive, I think, there are Four Enchanted Creatures, all needing care and attention to function nicely both on their own terms and with each other.

There is the Mermaid, who is a lovely, emotional creature, but can be deadly if allowed to spin out of control in her underwater spiral torrent.

There is the She-dragon, wild and full of passion for everything she does, but who is not so nice to deal with if her energy is not allowed to flow where it needs to flow.

There is the Fairy, who analyzes and thinks through everything, but who can make you completely miserable and out of touch with the ground.

And there is the Huldr, the Scandinavian forest fey, who is sensual, earthy, strong, nurturing and connected to nature, but who also can be a pain in the ass in that she’s so tied up to her body and her materialism.

As I was trying to explain to someone the other day, my problem now is that:

I’m trying to get a master’s degree while making money through my online endeavors AND raising a five-year old little girl at the same time, while also making sure I spend as much time out in nature as I need to.

In other words:

My Fairy wants a master’s. The Mermaid wants to raise her baby, the She-dragon is so very passionate about her projects, and the Huldr really really needs to get home to her woods.

And they’re having a cat fight. A BIG one. No-one is happy.

I think I need to have a staff meeting. Allow each and every one of them hold the talking stick for a while and figure it all out. And I am visualizing this as I write now, but it seems to me that some of them are getting better along with each other than others. The Huldr and the Mermaid, for example, are quite good friends, as it’s perfectly possible to raise children out in the wilderness, if only just for the night.

But the other two… they need counselling. The She-dragon is spewing fire and the Fairy is making it all too combustible up there. *points to head* I’ll have a serious talk with them later on tonight.

Other than that… When your life is not big enough for everything you want, besides having an enchanted staff meeting, you also need to go kryptonite hunting and get rid of everything and everyone who is draining you of energy so that you can fit in as much as you can without going to pieces.

For me, this time, we are heading into the kitchen and throwing out some bad junk from my diet – yes, it has gotten pretty idiotic over the last few months, and even worse when I started self-medicating on coke and other empty carbs (this is what my inner She-dragon will do when she feels misunderstood, by the way, she will bury herself in food that kills off her energy and stores it as fat instead!).

And lastly, it’s high time to do a reevaluation of the natural rhythms again. After all, the seasons are about to change, and that also shifts the biochemistry and natural needs somewhat. I’m going to pay close attention to what my body is trying to tell me the next few days, but I think it’s saying that I need to wind down a bit better in the evenings (hello, candle light and chamomile tea, and goodbye television and noise!), and that I also need a bit of down time in the afternoon. Just to make it through, with all the stuff going on.

Oh yes, and talking about natural rhythms, it may also be a good idea to chart the menstrual cycle and put it in the calendar – working around the times when one needs to go be an introvert in a cave somewhere.

So that’s my plan.

1. Get rid of anything that doesn’t fit

2. Figure out what the Four Enchanted Creatures want.

3. Have a staff meeting and work it out.

4. Find and destroy kryptonite.

5. …and work around the natural rhythms as much as possible.

Yes. 🙂

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  1. Aaah … talk about sweet serendipity!

    I too have a full-on civil war going on in my head, although I have yet to work out who the protagonists are!

    All I know is, they all want their space, their time, and oodles of attention and this goddess is being tossed between total paralysis and utter frenzy.

    Neither’s working, so I think a ‘staff meeting’ is called for.

    Nienna dear heart, you have no idea how timely this is!!

    I have this morning free … I now know EXACTLY what to do with it!

  2. Oh Nienna, your post resonates so much and find myself nodding as I read. It can be a full time job keeping all parts of ourselves happy and aligned . I’m going to schedule a staff meeting myself to get everyone working as a team rather than looking after their own needs. Thank you for your beautiful authentic self which comes through so gracefully.

  3. Hi Nienna, I loved your imagery of the Four Enchanted Creatures inside a woman. It sounds like the perfect sort of contribution to my compilation of reflections/ stories book called «Imagining Earth Angels and GOddess»…..that’s exactly the sort of contribution and imaginative reflection I am after in the book, and i only want it to be 1-2 pages long. Would you like to embellish this blog post and turn it into a contribution for my book? I can explain more if you email me at claremcloghlin@hotmail.com…..and I’m a goddess circle member too:) Lots of Love, Clarex

  4. loved reading this Nienna…….when you have that staff meeting I bet you can figure out how they can all work together……would be fun!…….I have meetings in my head with my team….more like my spirit guide team…..it’s amazing what insights surface…….it’s actually pretty cool………..

  5. Beautiful post, Nienna! I can totally relate to the mythical creatures, and I love the way you describe your efforts to make sure that everything you do is directed towards the life you want to live. I too am doing a lot. I have three children, 4, 7, & 14, I’m chairman of my ladies barbershop chorus, I am area governor of four speakers’ clubs (which basically means I get to support and nurture them, it’s great!) and I’m trying to develop the self-confidence to throw myself properly into my new business. Oh, and I tutor four students in maths, biology and chemistry. I take things on if they feel right, I say yes more easily than I say no. I don’t know where my life’s journey is going right now, but one look at my Google Calendar and it’s easy to see it’s hard to fit it all in! Still, reading such an encouraging and entertaining blog as yours makes the journey that much easier. That and the coffee, Tia Maria and chocolate I’m eating right now 😉

  6. Lovely post Nienna. I have been neglecting my Huldr for sure this month while school starts for my students. I too am going kryptonite hunting. Be well, Tanya

  7. Sounds like you have got a real plan there! Even though I have a different ‘set-up’ of personalities in my psyche I so relate to the internal battles that can arise! I love the mythical theme running through all of yours, and how clear you are on the benefits, needs and challenges that each one brings.

  8. Love to know that you have been doing your life big. Sometimes when we think about making our life big we actually think about something that would change our lives.

  9. I really like the way you used the elements and creatures to represent the different aspects of the self. It makes so much sense, and makes them easier to access. I need to take note of this and see how it relates to where I am.

    Thank you

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