It’s been a bit quiet from my part in the last few weeks. I went back to school in August to get a master’s degree in cultural studies, and that proved to be a MASSIVE stress factor, much more so than I’d anticipated. And as you already know, I’m preparing for my personal Ground Zero these days, and if you sprinkle all this loveliness with some emotional stuff coming up… it has just been a LOT to think about and sort out.
I’ve been going around in circles with this, not getting anywhere. And it’s time to get my analytic part of the brain kickstarted.
Normally, when things just get too much, I opt for the «lose it» option. If it doesn’t fit, get rid of it. If it’s holding you back from living your wonderfully wild life, then throw it out the door. No questions asked, no regrets. The only way to carve an elephant, is to get rid of anything that is not, in fact, an elephant. Right?
Only that didn’t work so well for me this time. Why? Because I have gotten to the point where everything I do, mostly, is authentic and part of my golden recipe for the life I want to live. I navigate by my inner compass, and that normally takes me to lovely places.
Except when it thinks it’s a prop for Pirates of the Caribbean, and absolutely refuses to point in only one direction.
Like it did this time. And like it still does, actually. I’m nowhere near out of the woods yet.
But yesterday, it started to dawn on me. I told you how I have two very different ladies living inside of me, right? The schizo part where there’s the accomplished Victorian lady and the wild woman gypsy queen at the same time trying to get their way?
Well, you can double that, actually. Inside of me, and in fact, inside of every female alive, I think, there are Four Enchanted Creatures, all needing care and attention to function nicely both on their own terms and with each other.
There is the Mermaid, who is a lovely, emotional creature, but can be deadly if allowed to spin out of control in her underwater spiral torrent.
There is the She-dragon, wild and full of passion for everything she does, but who is not so nice to deal with if her energy is not allowed to flow where it needs to flow.
There is the Fairy, who analyzes and thinks through everything, but who can make you completely miserable and out of touch with the ground.
And there is the Huldr, the Scandinavian forest fey, who is sensual, earthy, strong, nurturing and connected to nature, but who also can be a pain in the ass in that she’s so tied up to her body and her materialism.
As I was trying to explain to someone the other day, my problem now is that:
I’m trying to get a master’s degree while making money through my online endeavors AND raising a five-year old little girl at the same time, while also making sure I spend as much time out in nature as I need to.
In other words:
My Fairy wants a master’s. The Mermaid wants to raise her baby, the She-dragon is so very passionate about her projects, and the Huldr really really needs to get home to her woods.
And they’re having a cat fight. A BIG one. No-one is happy.
I think I need to have a staff meeting. Allow each and every one of them hold the talking stick for a while and figure it all out. And I am visualizing this as I write now, but it seems to me that some of them are getting better along with each other than others. The Huldr and the Mermaid, for example, are quite good friends, as it’s perfectly possible to raise children out in the wilderness, if only just for the night.
But the other two… they need counselling. The She-dragon is spewing fire and the Fairy is making it all too combustible up there. *points to head* I’ll have a serious talk with them later on tonight.
Other than that… When your life is not big enough for everything you want, besides having an enchanted staff meeting, you also need to go kryptonite hunting and get rid of everything and everyone who is draining you of energy so that you can fit in as much as you can without going to pieces.
For me, this time, we are heading into the kitchen and throwing out some bad junk from my diet – yes, it has gotten pretty idiotic over the last few months, and even worse when I started self-medicating on coke and other empty carbs (this is what my inner She-dragon will do when she feels misunderstood, by the way, she will bury herself in food that kills off her energy and stores it as fat instead!).
And lastly, it’s high time to do a reevaluation of the natural rhythms again. After all, the seasons are about to change, and that also shifts the biochemistry and natural needs somewhat. I’m going to pay close attention to what my body is trying to tell me the next few days, but I think it’s saying that I need to wind down a bit better in the evenings (hello, candle light and chamomile tea, and goodbye television and noise!), and that I also need a bit of down time in the afternoon. Just to make it through, with all the stuff going on.
Oh yes, and talking about natural rhythms, it may also be a good idea to chart the menstrual cycle and put it in the calendar – working around the times when one needs to go be an introvert in a cave somewhere.
So that’s my plan.
1. Get rid of anything that doesn’t fit
2. Figure out what the Four Enchanted Creatures want.
3. Have a staff meeting and work it out.
4. Find and destroy kryptonite.
5. …and work around the natural rhythms as much as possible.