You know, there is only one good reason to let a dream die, and that is if that dream is blocking an even bigger one, waiting to be born.
I think that’s where I am in my life right now.
I dreamed of having a well visited blog, conveying all I know of the natural world, how to live a natural life, becoming healthy in a natural way and get in deeper touch with nature. Earning money from this so that I could keep living my free and natural life, working when I wanted to, write and be creative. I’m sure you know the drill.
But bit by bit, it has dawned on me:
The lifestyle I need to have, in order to do this, is completely blocking the main purpose of my existence.
If I have to sit here, in front of the computer, writing my brains out, SEOing the crap out of everything I write, trying to get likes and followers on social media and then follow-up on each and every comment… My dream life just won’t happen. It takes time away from the hours I should be spending out in nature, it causes me to gain weight instead of losing it, and it makes me a slave of my own passions.
And if there’s anything this wild woman absolutely refuses to be, it is a slave.
Besides; I’m really beginning do dislike the trend I see on the internet nowadays, albeit innocent at first glance: This whole thing about living authentically and making money from it sounds absolutely wonderful – but isn’t this just another thing that women feel they are supposed to do to be perfect? You know, right along with the hours in the gym and having the perfect household, well-behaved children and a hairdo which is never out-of-place?
I actually had a (very short) conversation about this some months ago, with one of the gurus I (used to) follow. I asked her if I could manifest money through my man, to make sure he earns the money we need, as this whole masculine economy thing is more his thing than it is mine. She just downright laughed at me, telling me that now she knows I haven’t been taking her course, and that I really should go do that right away.
In other words: You cannot be a successful woman without making money of your own. As if your pay check decides your value.
I thought we had gotten beyond that, but apparently, we haven’t.
Don’t get me wrong, women empowerment (in fact, HUMAN empowerment) is a wonderful thing, but it shouldn’t be all about the money. And knowing what I now know about marketing, after having run my own webshop and blogs for some years… These women are merely creating a need in their potential clients. Their whole fundament is what they think their clients should need – and I’ll give you a hint: It’s not about being free and frugal. Because if they can get you to buy their first, cheap course, they have you on their mailing list, so they can try to sell you a big, fancy retreat to make even more money from you, justifying their position as experts in the field and teaching you how to do the same to other woman.
And the message they are selling you, is the exact same message women get from commercial everywhere:
You are not good enough. You have a lack in your life and personality and body and relationship – but luckily, I’m here to help you overcome that lack! For only [insert insane amount], I can make you more sensual, more sexy, skinnier, healthier, richer, more in love, less lonely … [insert dream they have spurred in you before their final pitch].
And this, my dear reader, is what they call empowerment.
I’m not going to be a part of this.
And I’m also not going to waste your (and my) time on telling you how to live a life I’m not able to live myself because I’m too busy telling you how to live yours.
I am breaking free and letting go.
I’m breaking free from my computer addiction, instead I will enjoy the fresh air and dirt under my fingernails.
I let go of the need to make money to feel successful, instead I will savour every hour I get to study literature, language and culture, trusting that there will be a wonderful job waiting for me at the end of my Master’s degree.
I’m breaking free from other women trying to tell me that I need them and their services to be a fabulous, sensual and powerful female, and I’m freeing myself from the need to be like them.
I am unbinding myself, untying yet another ribbon from my soul, by breaking free from my own passion (and let’s face it: at times it has been an obsession) and my need to control the outcome.
I will still blog. I will continue to create courses and books and whatever I feel the inspiration to create. But I will do it in my own way, in my own time, by my own heartbeat.
I have disabled comments, to liberate myself from the need to keep track and reply to each and every one, and I have ditched all plans of what I should blog about when.
I’m playing this by heart from now on.