My head is still spinning.
The stress levels are still so high that my mouth tastes like blood, and my ears are ringing.
My body is aching all over.
I’m too tired to sleep, many nights.
But I did it.
I finally have a place to live.
I have a home.
One day, right about when I was absolutely certain that I was, in fact, going to lose my mind, the solution came. There was an apartment. Two bedrooms, a lovely kitchen and an even lovelier living room. It was in my price class, too, just about. And it’s right below the house I left behind, so that my daughter can actually look out of her window and see her dad waving at her from his porch. I don’t have to move her from the school she’s supposed to go to in August, I don’t have to drive her very far to get to her daddy or to her school, it all worked out in the best possible way.
It’s so absolutely perfect.
I felt it the minute I set foot inside this place, that this was it, this is right, this is home. And I got it. I was so happy I almost cried!
It’s not the way I planned it to be. I don’t have a garden, I don’t have a bath tub and I don’t have a fire place. But it’s perfect, none the less. It’s exactly what I needed anyway, the feeling is exactly right.
Warm. Pure. Comfy.
Right now, my sweet daughter has went to bed, and I’m sitting in my comfortable couch, looking at this wonderful living room I’m able to call mine for a while.
There is still stuff to be done here, a few boxes are still unpacked, and to tell you the truth, most of the drawers are in such a state of chaos that I dread opening them just yet.
I only just managed to get my furniture inside before I had to sit down and study like a maniac for my finals, but now I’m done. Ahead of me are three long summer months with nothing in particular to do.
Enjoying my new life.
My aching body sighs with relief at that thought. It has accumulated insane amounts of stress this last year, from I started my master’s studies in August, watching my 8 year old relationship with my daughter’s father going through the final death throes (even though it was so numb that not much pain was felt anymore), falling in love with another man on top of everything… while still having to stay with my ex while I searched high and low for a new place to live for six everlasting months… and then getting all the paperwork done, streamlining the finances as much as possible, and finally moving out, just in time for my finals…
What a year.
Holy crap, I’m beat.
And now it’s over.
It’s finally over.
I am home.
I’m just going to take a few days to breathe and to sleep.
And then, I’m going to make this already lovely place into a beautiful goddess haven for myself.
Leonie Dawson has this, I imagine, wonderful Goddess Haven e-course (affiliate link) which will be the perfect summer project for me right now. I have been drooling all over it since I decided to move out, and now it’s time to indulge in that treat as a final reward for all my troubles.
(I know she will run it as an e-course in her forum as well, starting July 1st, but I’m not going to wait that long. I need it now. So… maybe Monday? If you want to join me, let me know! 🙂 )
Other than that, I plan on drinking a lot of herbal tea this summer. Going for long walks in the forest. Sitting still a lot on solid ground, just watching the lake and feeling the sun on my face. And maybe start doing Morning Pages again, too, that would be nice.
I’m falling deeply in love with my life again.