And as she sat there, she felt her heart becoming small and hard. Was this all there was, she asked herself. After all she had gone through with previous lovers, was this all that her destiny had for her?
A whole life ahead, bound to a man who would show no interest in her… It seemed too hard to fathom. She would have at least expected some passionate fights, if not the deep, divine love she had always dreamt of, but this, this absolute void, she had not been prepared for.
Night after night, she had been sitting there in their living room, patiently waiting for him to show up, to tear himself free from the screens and at least look at her and acknowledge her existence on some level.
But he never did.
And she realized, where she sat accompanied only by loneliness, that of all the people she knew, he was the one who knew the least about her beliefs, her values and her dreams. At least her friends and family knew about the life she had before him, they had all heard her stories and been around when it happened – but her own life partner never even asked her about those days. Never listened when she spoke about them. Never wanted to know what made her the person she was.
It was as if that life never was. That she never was, before there was him.
She picked up an old photograph of herself. Stared at it. Caressed her young face gently, taking in her own innocent looks and hopeful eyes from long ago.
– I’m so sorry, she whispered.
– I’m so sorry for letting you down.