I remember when I first entered the Blogosphere. Previously, I had been blogging on a small, fairly unknown, platform, but when that came down, some of us decided to move our blogs to WordPress.com.
And wow, what a shock that was!
The first place I was blogging on was called, translated from Norwegian, AllPrivate. WordPress was a whole different animal. Stats all of a sudden became important. Trackbacks and pingbacks and comments, oh my!
Fun? No, not for me. I mean, I’m not shy, I don’t mind sharing. In fact, I love to, if I can do it in writing. It was the contest I never signed up for. I was in it for the writing, the absolute love of conveying my thoughts, transforming them into words, which in turn could entertain someone, touch someone’s heart, maybe make a difference in someone’s lives.
Fast Forward a few years. My childhood dream starts haunting me again. You’re a writer, it whispers softly. You need to write! And at the same time, another part of my soul starts emerging from the depths. I started caring so very, very deeply about the environment, about nature, about breaking free from cultural and social patterns which keeps us enslaved, trapped in a downward spiraling hamster wheel.
And a deep-felt need to be self-sufficient presents itself. Not only do I need to write, but I really really really want to earn my own income doing just that. Not supporting any major companies ruining the planet. Not helping overweight and sick people jam their mouths full of Coke and french fries dripping with trans fats.
Not being a part of anything I can’t stand for, in any way, shape of form.
I’ve started a few concept blogs in Norwegian over the last few years. I was psyched at first, but running dry and empty after a while. They didn’t make me any money, either, first of all it’s quite impossible to earn money from a Norwegian niche (too few native speakers, even for mainstream, with the insane prices we have in this country), and secondly… the chosen niches all of a sudden felt like straitjackets to my creative soul.
And I started doing a lot of reading, studying the do’s and don’ts of making money online. They all have different approaches, of course, but the general lines are 1) products , 2) services and 3) how you need to make them look.
Then, in the later years, you can add 4) Soul purpose, meaning most of the time that you are supposed to help ____ who ____ with ______ (insert higher meaning here).
I almost got lost in that. It had me thinking; what do I know how to teach? I can make info products, and I can coach. It’ll all be fine and dandy!
Except for one little detail. I’m still a creative writer, suffocating in niches. I’m still an introvert, with no need in me whatsoever to create helpful products and run after people in order to sell them my solutions to the problem I insist they must be having.
I was never meant to teach, it slowly began to dawn on me. I hate that «this is how you should do it» crap.
And consequently, most of the stuff I’ve been reading, albeit I’m sure the persons behind them had the best intentions, has been utterly wrong for me.
Don’t get me wrong, we need that caring, loving «let me help you» kind of people out there now, to weigh up for too many years of industrialization and machines – but that’s for the extroverts. It’s not for me. Never was.
And I’d forgotten about that. I’d forgotten who I really, truly am. This has been a process for me to figure out, as evidenced by this and this blog post, but it took some serious soul-searching to reach this insight. And I’ll willingly admit that Martha Beck’s Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want (yeah, that’s an affiliate link) had something to do with it, too.
And to confirm all this…
Last night, I had a nightmare. I had to grab my daughter and flee from the muslim I was living with (married to my grandmother, even, and I can assure you that I don’t have anything against muslims in real life). He would not have any woman wearing trousers in his house, and I knew it was time to get the hell out of here. And then he ran after me as I was getting into the car, confiscating my mini-PC. It annoyed me, but I knew I had everything stored in the cloud, and I could simply just get a new one.
Translation? I’m in an environment that forces me to be the soft, feminine, extrovert, pleasing type, and I need to get out and keep writing, in spite of being gagged.
You know; the Goddess herself is not just softness and peaches and cream. Sometimes she is a bad-ass warrior. And sometimes she is distant, pure introvertion – she is the Moon. The feminine revolution, the Goddess Rising, needs to have more sides to it then the benevolent coach. Like what I’m yearning to do: pure introverted writing for the sake of writing itself, without thinking about who to reach when I create. So that another introverted soul can take my words to heart, without me hitting her in the head with them. Like finding just the right song on the radio, at just the right time.
As I woke up, still half asleep, I had this sentence in my head:
But… But… I don’t want a freakin’ concept!
How about that?
Can it even be done?
Can one write blissfully concept-free, and still make money online?
I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.